Sunday, April 8, 2007

B's Being

With due respect to her as well as old age, I write this post on Bibiji whom we fondly know as B. I've been hearing about her since a few months now. I've also met her a couple o' times. Her weird ways get us laughing to wit's end, even though she may come across as any other frail old woman. In short she is weirdness personified.
It was only when I spoke to her and offered her help in ironing clothes, I came to know the real B: strong headed, aggressive and one who loves it if all the household members keep coming to her every two minutes. And she DOES have millions of ways of ensuring the same.
When you come home after a long tiring day and see two real long fat leafy radishes lying on your bed, you have just about 3 options: Laugh, cry or shout at what is going around. These radishes are obviously kept on your bed by none other than miss B. Next you feel like having a banana shake and notice that all the bananas you bought a day ago are missing. What do you do? Ask B. And B answers: they are kept in a polybag under a chair. Eatables like those we thought are supposed to be kept on the dining table or the kitchen shelf. But now we do have our doubts.
You wake up in the morning to see four plastic buckets filled with clothes kept in your BEDROOM. Not any particular morning but EVERY SINGLE morning. And these have taken the same place that should ideally belong to a flowerpot, a water fountain or some other show piece of the like. And now the idea behind keeping those four buckets:

Bucket 1: Contains clothes that are to be washed
Bucket 2: Contains clothes that are to be dried
Bucket 3: Contains clothes that have been washed and need not b ironed
Bucket 4: Contains clothes that have been washed and need ironing

All this is done in your room. Meaning you have no privacy at all!
Among the countless weird habits of B's, one is collecting polybags; the ones in which the vegetable vendors put in the vegetables for you. She has a fetish for them. So much so that you can find those ugly little packets in every nook of the house you can possibly imagine. And yet comes the one habit which leaves you wondering if anything can save you from what’s more in store for you from B's bag of weirdness. You enter the loo and see leaves of mustard greens (sarson ka saag) on the floor! A bit of investigation reveals that the delicious sarson ka saag you had for lunch was actually washed in your damn loo and not in the kitchen sink! Yikes! And that is not all. You further find out that the saag was washed using none other than the BUM WASHER!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeww!!!!!!! And again the mastermind behind this brilliant idea was darling B.
The person who actually lives with B and bears all the abovesaid torture says that saag shall not see the house's 'chulha' anymore. Wise decision.
And all said and done, the way this person takes everything in a positive way and keeps shut, is something that deserves a prize. This person puts up with B's eccentricities and lets her age gracefully... eh?


Pritika said...

and we thought grannies were suppossed to be live huggy bears who lovingly tell you epic tales simplified for your benefit!

well written skeeter, especially knowing you've written about someone else's granny, you seem to have done your research!

Reeta Skeeter said...

pritika: ;) thx sissy

Dhruv said...

How horrifying!
But we must let live and be cautious!

Ankur said...

"I want to run
I want to hide..."

I would have so freaked out wid all of dis! Kudos to the one who puts up with B's eccentricities and lets her age gracefully!

Mark a Unit said...

"especially knowing you've written about someone else's granny," cool i must appreciate on this piece of work skeeter , hmm reeta skeeter lol u seem like a harry potter fan already [:)]

Reeta Skeeter said...

Dhruv: Yep horrifying indeed!
Ankur: Yes Kudos to the that person! All hats off!
mark a unit: Yes I LOVE HARRY POTTER AND HIS WORLD! ;) :) :D

Vertigo Head said...

Jesus Christ! A Blogger Peacekeeping prize to the person! Reading about it drove me crazy ..trying imagining the same would be mentally suicidal!

Reeta Skeeter said...

vertigo head G.S/N.S.: The person is indeed a rockstar :D Three Cheers for the person!

Shruti said...

well granny's are like this only...
Cheers to that guy....

Praval Singh said...

Hi Reeta!

Just to mention, its a real nice blog. Even the other one too !


Reeta Skeeter said...

Shruti: U r right.
Praval: thx :)

Chandrachud said...

hermione put u in a bottle..Goblet of Fire (?).. that bottle

Asha said...

Skeeter!!! One of these days you are going to get infected with E Coli!!!Why is she washing the saag in the loo!!Lord save me!!!

LOL @ the multiple buckets of many goals in their lives!

Reeta Skeeter said...

chandrachud: DO NOT confuse me...m already very much so...
Asha: Its not me!!! It is someone's else's granny dear! Had i known Y is she washing it there, I cudve also probably stopped her ;) i might c B today :D more adventure ;) BTW nice to hv u on this blog too :) Cheers! Happy Blogging!

dRoZzY!!! said...

Skeeter, all you need is good luck.
I wish you could investigate where the palak paneer came from last wednesday. also more about he cholla bhaturas being fried in harpick.

not to fo9get that the tomatoes that yo had last evening were cut in the basin.... no ordinary kitchen basin my dear... but the ceramic cup where you brush your teeth every night and morning:)

jokes apart
it was pretty well written:)

Asha said...

LOL @ the multiple bucket for multiple purposes!

Yikes!!Washing greens in the loo can give you E Coli!!It's dangerous!!

I like this new blog of your's!:)

Chandrachud said...

dude, i don't know why u r confused! i didn't call u hermione. i just said she puts reeta skeeter into a bottle when reeta is in the form of a beetle.. entiendes?

Reeta Skeeter said...

dRoZzy: Chup! Chup Chaap hv ur food! And let me eat mine!
Asha: Happy to know u like it... But y did u gv the same comment twice? I ask bcoz i believe that yest there was sum prob wid blogger.. anyway cheers! HB!
Chandrachud: Ok now... Got it! And believe me there was A BIG FAT REASON for me being confused :p

educatedunemployed said...

Some times I feel that such people live in their own world, very oblivious to ours.You are right, kudos to the person who lives with B.I can see my self throwing a fit..But you know if my grand mom turned out like that I would still love her just as much..:))

Łóòň Ġãĺ said...


I feel sorry for you babe. :-|

Reeta Skeeter said...

educatedunemployed: True! Even I would do dat...
Loon Gal: Love ur name! It is not my granny! It is a frd's granny! Welcome here! Happy Blogging! and yes India Rox!

Chandrachud said...

BIG FAT REASON?? does it have anything to do with saturday night bingeing? :P

Reeta Skeeter said...

Chanrachud: Nah! But the FATNESS behind the reason is about Hermione herself! Neway cant let more out... so Happy Blogging!

Chandrachud said...

well, it is supposed to be a daily photo blog.. but has long ceased to be one - lack of time and of inspiration, ya know..

Eastmancolour said...

Brilliant Brilliant!! :D
lovit !!!
but dang I eating saag no more :-o

Eastmancolour said...

oh...ur on the list too
might neat writing :D
aa laak it!